A year ago today I had the amazing honor of welcoming my grandbaby into the world. It was one of the happiest days of my life… the anticipation of it couldn’t even compare to the joy I felt that day.

She was here.

My beautiful girl, Tiana. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

As I sit here typing this, I’m just thinking back to what a year it has been! I still can’t believe you’re a whole one year old! I can’t believe she’s been in the world for 12 months already. I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. The anticipation after we got the call. Wondering what you would look like and how big you would be…

I rewatch videos and scroll thru pictures looking at how much she has changed. My phone is filled (literally, FULL of pictures and videos). I’m SO HAPPY to be living at a time where pics and videos are so easily captured. It’s not like back in the day where you had to get the film developed and videos were just on special occasions if you were lucky enough to own a video camera. Memories are so easily captured and we’re so lucky in that regard.

There are still so many big things yet to come for Tiana and we’re all so excited to watch her grow–those first teeth (we have SIX now), first step (we’re working on that one, skipping right over crawling), first word, pulling things off the shelves and terrorizing the house being a busy bee. All things I welcome and can’t wait for! …but I just need time to slow down just a bit. Just a little so I can savor this time while you’re a baby who loves playing in Nana’s hair.

Caring for Lillian while trying to be a present, active grandmother is hard. Some days it’s a mental struggle to smile and sing Ms. Rachel with Tiana, knowing I still need to give meds, fix dinner, change the sheets, prepare to put Lillian to bed… all while trying to stay in the moment. Not having time to prep the baby’s food or do some of the things I’d love to do for her because I’m still caregiving.

It’s a lot, and some days, no matter how hard I try, it’s so very heavy.

I just hope Tiana always knows that her Nana loves her to the moon… even on those days where it’s a little harder to smile, when Tiana has to spend more time with Pop-Pop because Nana just doesn’t have the bandwidth to be grandma and dementia caregiver at the same time.

Oh, my little ladybug… you are my sunshine on the cloudiest of days.

I’m so blessed that God chose us to be your family!